Right now, I don't know how to put my feelings into words. I type and then I delete because the words I use never seem enough.
I know that people say that if you've had a crush on someone for more than four months, it's pretty safe to say you are in love with them. But, I've had a crush on Brad Pitt for years so I'm assuming that that isn't love and that is actually a crush. I'm guessing it has something to do with the fact I haven't and never will meet Brad Pitt; he is unobtainable. But, what about this guy who I have had a crush on for probably close to a year now, is that love? I don't see him that often, but when I do, I get butterflies and I smile more and I'm probably a better a version of myself because I want him to like me. Clearly, he likes me - we have spent a fair amount of time together when we have seen each other and we've kissed, among other things ;). One problem, he's got a girlfriend. Now, if you've stuck around my blog for a while then you'll probably guess who I'm talking about. I don't want to say his name in this post because, my feelings have grown so much more since I posted about him originally. I thought that when I went home for the summer my feelings had gone, I've tried to distract myself with other guys but now I've realised, no one else compares. I just really wish I knew what these feelings for him were, whether it is love or just lust. Maybe it's something to do with the fact we get on like a house on fire and have stuff in common, but we also share a sexual chemistry I've never felt with anyone else - I just want to kiss him every time I see him. I supposed what is really holding me back is the fact he has a girlfriend, that and the fact I know he wouldn't leave her for me - that's even if he would want to. We haven't had sex because he told me he didn't think he could sleep with anyone else, and ever since he told me this, I've wanted nothing more than to sleep with him. So, do you think it is because he is unobtainable that I want him so bad? Is it lust for him to like me or is it that I'm in love with him and wish he was in love with me too?
I just wish I understood what it is I hope to gain from this - I don't want to hurt his girlfriend, I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to ruin the friendship that we have, but I seriously can't say no to him. I'm hooked, I'm at his beck and call. If he wanted me to come meet him I would, if he came to my door begging to come in, I couldn't not let him in no matter how much my head told me not to.

If anyone reads this blog, please tell me what you think it is I'm feeling?
I'm so confused and want guidance.